He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
