it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
