maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
