How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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