yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
