You're my little dorito
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
