you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
