WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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