I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he fucked my hip out of place.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
