how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
