She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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