I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
