I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
