I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
