Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
