this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
