It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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