There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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