Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
