Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
