Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
