I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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