i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
