Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
