after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
