Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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