I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
