You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I seem to have left my pride at pride
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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