his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
