I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
