The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
