I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
