i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
