he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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