You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
