Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
