I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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