he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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