I must be too annoying 4 u.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
