well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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