I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
