Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
