Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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