Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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