If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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