my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
