I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
do herpes really smell.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
