His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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