well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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