he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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